bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
