Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize