The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
