Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just high enough for therapy.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
