i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
