Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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