I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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