Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
