The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
