Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
