Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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