dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
