I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
