matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
