I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
