he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
