Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
