so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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