she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize