I cockslap morals
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i dont even know how to be here
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
