Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
