I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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