Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
