i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
