she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
