I'm so fucking centered right now
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
