see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
