Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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