While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
