my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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