If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
