I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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