I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
