i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
