Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
