i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
