:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
