i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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