We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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