I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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