I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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