I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
