I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
