it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
