I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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