we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
