I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
