He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
