Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
