yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize