I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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