i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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