Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
