i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
