So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
