everyone is single if you try hard enough
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
