Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
