Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
