you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
