You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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