She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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