What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
