I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
