I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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