Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
