When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize