i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
