apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
