Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
