Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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