also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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