Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
