so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
