What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
