I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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