Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
