We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
