i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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