just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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